I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
as a side note pls kill me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
