i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
