You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
