There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
