You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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Maybe he injected his testicle?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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