I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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