I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
