I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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