1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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