I must be too annoying 4 u.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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