If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
