I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
