just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
