Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
