I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
