So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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