the condom got lost in my hair
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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