you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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