I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
