it hurts more in the daytime
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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