My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
