I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
