where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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