it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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