drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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