he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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