Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
