i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
