I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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