When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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