glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
