i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
