Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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