Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
