dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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