just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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