Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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