She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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