Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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