Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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