good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
