I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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