a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
