well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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