You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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