I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
