so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
