Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
