apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
