HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
