i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
