u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize