I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
