Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
