Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
