Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
