I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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