Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
