Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
