Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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