I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
