i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
