I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am available for nakedness
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
