1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
