And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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