Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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