I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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